Wednesday, February 15, 2012

It's All about him and Him.

I want to be very clear. I am not a proponent of Mom On Strike in order to change the behavior of your husband. Psych 101- you cannot change the behavior of others, you can only only change your behavior and how you respond the those around you. That said, this strike has given me yet another gift. I am seeing the man I married for who he really is and for who, in this next chapter, who we have the ability to be as partners in this life we have built.

Over dinner last night, which by the way my husband planned from start to finish including a great movie, vegetarian Indian food, and a lovely pink coffee mug, a gorgeous pink watch, and an age appropriate workout top. The planning and details of the evening spoke volumes to me. There was a whole lota Debby girl pink. Full disclosure here- there was a glitch in the timing of the date as our teen got into a little fender bender. Everyone, thank G-d (more on this later) is absolutely fine but, well- life happens, especially when you have young adults living out their lives independent of you. If your kids are still eating peanut butter and jelly, asking you to sign permission slips and playing with boxcars, you're safe...for now. As a friend once told me a long time ago, little kids little problems. Big kids, bigger problems so plan on a lot of hard work, and hope and pray for a little luck from above.

And so, Valentine's Day 2012 began with a bump in the road (no pun intended) and with my husband and I engaged in a brief conversation about cars and teens and logical consequences. And Valentine's Day ended with me falling hopelessly in love with the man I married, all over again. I saw him as I did when we first began this journey. Dan is the man your grandmother, when asked, told you to build a life with just such a man, as she survived war and the Depression and lived enough of life to know what love and commitment and marriage and family is about. On her 50th Wedding Anniversary, as you looked on, she gazed at her husband with such admiration and love and respect that it made your heart swell and you longed to be so blessed... My husband- wise, kind, loyal, loving, brilliant, thoughtful, capable, confident, funny, fun, interesting, a great listener, dedicated to those he loves, he is open minded and open to change. He is observant and intuitive. He is a talent and works hard for the things that he believe me. He believes in our family and the paradigm shift that is currently taking place. For these reasons and a million more, I am blessed that Danny came into my life. And FYI- he's so not available! Self described workaholic, more than occasionally house blind, sometimes over tired and highly irritable, "folicly challenged" (Sorry, still no rug for this man Grandma Mae)- all 6'4" beautiful, burly bit of him is mine.

Okay, stop rolling your eyes. (You may want to save that for later...) I'm done but it needed to be said because this stage of the strike is all part of what I believe is the intended process for me and my family. Just as there are stages in Hospice and the end of life, so too are there stages in living and learning. As Dan so thoughtfully communicated to me last night over curry and wine, the strike has to transition now from a "me vs. all of you" to Mom & Dad vs. our darling little cupids. The cupids, BTW- that we have built. Hey, Rome wasn't built in a day and so the rebuilding of our little pyramids is going to be a process. But I assure you, the day is coming when the words will be uttered... "Where's your Moses now?" Yup, I'm calling in the big guns...

Where's your Mama now?! She's here, never left. Her love has been here since the day you were conceived and only grown and strengthened over time, but you may have to walk and wander a little bit without her holding your tent together. She will continue to love and guide you on your journey through the dessert but you need to accept a few things. Number 1, bread doesn't fall from the sky. And when it does show up, don't bitch about the fact that it's GMO free and too healthy tasting. Number 2, I have climbed mountains in an effort to learn how to raise you and keep you safe from harm. Listen to the words I speak (And don't even think about interrupting me again or you'll feel my wrath!) as they come from not just my heart, but people and places that have taught me how to love and how to live. Stop and listen (shut up is another phrase not permitted in my house or believe me you...) and you may just learn something. Number 3, those tablets that you, still wet behind the ears discount, instruct "Honor thy father and thy mother; that thy days may be long upon the land up which the Lord they God giveth." (Exodus 20:12) They made the Top 13 Greatest Hits for a reason.

Mom and Dad (with the guidance of our own parents and those that have come before us and yes, Him and all the gifts that believing in something greater than ourselves teaches) giveth the privledges and experiences that afford you a wonderful life. And Mom and Dad can taketh away. "Snap."
I will accidentally pocket dial you 10 seconds after I've called to ask you where you are and who you're with and what you're doing. You're better at technology that I am. And that's okay. I will ask you again if your homework is done because I was multi tasking at my desk when I asked the first time and yes, I am getting older and a bit forgetful but that's okay. I will make an occasional dinner that is best served to the disposal but there's cereal and that's okay because at least I tried. Some nights I may not want to be in the kitchen when you guys are listening to "Dub Step" or "Cayenne" West (I didn't know his name but I know it now) and that's okay because I'm a 44 year old woman and I prefer Adel, who BTW- owned the Grammy's. That's right. You go girl. I'm okay and you're okay but forgetting the Golden Rule and that 5th commandment is just not okay.

The strike continues. I love my family and we're admittedly a little lost right now but we'll get there. Some journeys take 40 years, some 40 days. Today we've hit the 4 day benchmark. At least we're walking together... Off to yoga and a little prayer time too. Can I pray that someone buys milk...?

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